1. image: Download

    So I was thinking about hanging myself (think David Carradine, not David Foster Wallace). But right as I was about to finish tying the knot, I got an e-mail from Portland and I just couldn’t refuse a name like China Bob Mitchell. China Bob is a dead ringer for Penn Jillette: the magician, RB & BBCC alumni, and outspoken libertarian. 
Now, according to Family Watchdog, Chinaman Bob was convicted of lewd acts with a child under the age of fourteen. 

18-1508 - LEWD/LASCIVIOUS ACTS W/CHILD U/14

Unfortunately, this conviction did not take place in North Dakota. Why do I say this? Well, because if it had taken place there, as this site has documented in the past, the registry would give every detail of the nature of the crimes Mr. Mitchell had committed. Since we’re in this conundrum, we’re left to assume whether or not China Bob had taken the (in all likelihood) short victim, and, using some sort of cutting instrument, both styled the victim’s hair in the tradition of one Ed Asner and rendered the victim completely mute (probably not in that order though, probably because the victim had already ingested enough hair in the course of day, and that’s just gross).
Now, it doesn’t say whether or not China Bob and his mini-mute sex-slave traversed the valleys, plains, and various potato orchards of Idaho performing feats of wonder and amazement (like that one with the arrows and the fire, or when they say that the show’s called “Bullshit!” without a hint of irony), so it’s up to the reader at home to conclude what happened where, why things were how, and who exposed whose penis to whom. 
That’s right, five months of nothing: just for this dreck. You know what that is?
Bullshit.

    So I was thinking about hanging myself (think David Carradine, not David Foster Wallace). But right as I was about to finish tying the knot, I got an e-mail from Portland and I just couldn’t refuse a name like China Bob Mitchell. China Bob is a dead ringer for Penn Jillette: the magician, RB & BBCC alumni, and outspoken libertarian. 

    Now, according to Family Watchdog, Chinaman Bob was convicted of lewd acts with a child under the age of fourteen. 

    18-1508 - LEWD/LASCIVIOUS ACTS W/CHILD U/14

    Unfortunately, this conviction did not take place in North Dakota. Why do I say this? Well, because if it had taken place there, as this site has documented in the past, the registry would give every detail of the nature of the crimes Mr. Mitchell had committed. Since we’re in this conundrum, we’re left to assume whether or not China Bob had taken the (in all likelihood) short victim, and, using some sort of cutting instrument, both styled the victim’s hair in the tradition of one Ed Asner and rendered the victim completely mute (probably not in that order though, probably because the victim had already ingested enough hair in the course of day, and that’s just gross).

    Now, it doesn’t say whether or not China Bob and his mini-mute sex-slave traversed the valleys, plains, and various potato orchards of Idaho performing feats of wonder and amazement (like that one with the arrows and the fire, or when they say that the show’s called “Bullshit!” without a hint of irony), so it’s up to the reader at home to conclude what happened where, why things were how, and who exposed whose penis to whom. 

    That’s right, five months of nothing: just for this dreck. You know what that is?

    Bullshit.

     
  2. Update

    No, I haven’t forgotten about this site/blog whatever it be called. I’ve been working on finding new batches of folk for your amusement, but I’ve got things going on in my personal life. It’s pretty much just me working on this, people. I don’t mean to guilt trip yous guys but if you want to contribute, the e-mail address is still the same. Family Watchdog recently redid their site to make it more user-friendly or something. There’s even a section for recently-viewed offenders! If you do send them to me, please include their name, because the links tend to get futzed with.

    So there’s my list of excuses for not properly updating.

    PS. I finally passed a personal milestone in followers. Good job, people, tell your friends I’m not a schmuck.

     
  3. Good afternoon, ladies and germs. As of late, I’ve gotten quite a few requests by residents for somebody from Marshfield, Massachusetts, but never been given any kind link. Finally, I decided to just go looking for myself, and when I made my long trek over to the registry, I found that the town only has one sex offender, and he doesn’t even have a picture to accompany his profile. 

    Dejected, I checked the neighboring town of Pembroke and found this man:

    David Reed, three-time boy’s bunghole mungler champion of Massachusetts Department of Corrections, one-time champion of the “Look Like Jeffrey Ross Challenge”. To the right is the aforementioned Jeffrey Ross, a frequent comic on Comedy Central, with more of a history of roasting than a bag of chestnuts, though woefully lacking in kick-ass stunner shades. Since Mr. Ross has been Roastmaster of Comedy Central’s last six roasts, it comes to no surprise that he’s on the list for the roast of David Hasselhoff, a roast I managed to get a screener’s copy of, and let me tell you, they’re already hammering him on it.

    "I used to sell insurance until I got let go- they said I looked like I fucked children. Then I met Jeffrey Ross and got into comedy, I knew it’d be different… twenty years and still getting a paycheck, Jeff? *point to Jeff, wink at Cloris Lichman*" - Zach Galafinakis

    "So, this guy, David Reed, sex offender, y’know this guy? David Reed, y’know, he looks like Jeffrey Ross over here. They both like roasting, too, y’know that? Well, actually, David’s more into spitroasting. Y’know, hold a boy over the fire with his little…” - Jay Leno 
    Unfun Fact: the graphic description that followed was longer than most State of the Union Addresses and had to be removed for brevity. It had seven references to fisting.

    "Mffmm, dildoes, Jeffrey Ross… sex predator, cum… *applause, hoots of approval* my vagina."  - Cloris Lichman

    And as a special treat for people who enjoy comedians, and people who don’t enjoy comedians, I included another lookalike for the price of one! There you go, assholes who harp on the idea that I lean too heavily on comedians, I’ll put two non-mainstream comedians together and leave more room for your shitty egos.

    Comedian and best selling author of such masterpieces as Happy Endings: Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch and I Hate Your Guts, Jim Norton isn’t afraid of having words put into his mouth, as he famously responded to a press release criticizing his comedy on the Opie and Anthony Show, “…and to the man who called me a racist and a pedophile, yes, you are observant.” From his “list of lists” published on his website, wrote such gems as:

    - The 50 funniest moments in child pornography. 
    - Women over 60 I’ve raped with a meat cleaver.
    - The 5 snappiest remarks I’ve made while videotaping a miscarriage.
    - My favorite 3 scenes in The Shining to masturbate to.
    - The 10 lamest excuses my girlfriend ever gave for not eating my ass. 
    - Pet names for my penis that rhyme with cesspool.
    - My favorite Scriptures to read aloud while teabagging a retarded girl.
    - The 4 best jobs my dad ever lost due to sodomy convictions.

    Most times I have to work to come up with theories about how the celebrity in question secretly is the sex offender, but with James Norton, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. I mean, in the case of the selection I just quoted, I didn’t pick out any specific section, I just grabbed the first few lines of the article. It continues like that for quite a while, I just stopped from laughing so hard. 

    But seriously, folks, Brian Wesley Peters of Bismarck, North Dakota, was convicted of three different counts of sexual imposition with minors, ranging from age twelve to age fifteen. Amazingly, he comes out of this article as the lesser of two chinless scumbags.

     
  4. Remember way back in April when I said I’d be returning to North Dakota? Well it wasn’t just tough talk, because I’m back, and I’m kicking ass and taking names. And today, that name is Jose Gutierrez of Bismarck. 

    On the right is Rob McElhenney, also known for playing Mac on the show he created, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. I suppose the reason he’s surprised could stem from the irony that, while on the show, Glenn Howerton, or “Dennis” is the one who looks like a sex offender

    "But what did Mr. Gutierrez do?" might the concerned citizen of an 8th-rate hamlet such as Bismarck ask. Well, rather than summarize, I’ll directly copy from the Family Watchdog website, because not only does it make for great masturbatory material, but it’s also filler. And as my literary equal, James Joyce, once said, "filler is the sawdust unto which the bread of life is spread with it’s pâtés and fecal matters" Source. But enough filler, here’s the filler:

    SEXUAL ASSAULT, CLASS C FELONY - GUTIERREZ AND ANOTHER MAN MET A WOMAN EARLIER IN THE DAY AND WENT TO HER HOUSE WHILE SHE WAS AT WORK.  AFTER SHE CAME HOME, THEY ALL DRANK ALCOHOL AND WENT INTO HER BEDROOM TO LISTEN TO MUSIC.  GUTIERREZ AND THE OTHER MAN THEN HELD THE WOMAN DOWN AND RAPED HER AND FORCED HER TO GIVE ORAL SEX.

    Well now. That’s quite some story, it’s a shame the real criminals are the people writing these descriptions, butchering the English language. “HELD THE WOMAN DOWN AND RAPED HER AND FORCED HER TO GIVE ORAL SEX” Hold the phone, how about a comma or two in there, to replace one of the ands? If you need somebody to write this stuff down, I’ll do it. Hell, I do this for free!

    But then again, I also tuck my testicles between my legs in front of the mirror and pretend I’m Chyna from the WWE, so maybe I’m not the best person for the job. 

     
  5. Everyone seated? Good. Because this could be the post that saves your child’s life. Not really, but I might as well sell it. If you turn your attention to the gentlemen below, on the left is Jeffrey D. Jones, a real piece of shit from Los Angeles who was convicted of possessing child pornography. To the right of him, playing Principal Ed Rooney in the classic Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, is Jeffrey Duncan Jo-wait a minute… 

    Yes, that’s right. In 2003, Jones plead guilty to the charges that he paid a 14-year old boy to pose nude for the photographs that were found in his possession. It would seem that with this attribute, it’s no wonder he could play a grown man who spent his entire day chasing around a high school boy so well. 

    As part of his plea bargain, he was given five years probation and required to register as a sex offender. However, being a busy man from HOLLYWOOD must mean you’re too busy to tell the police you’re moving, because he was arrested in 2004 for violating Megan’s Law. 

    His plea bargain, though it saved him from serving jail time, I think he missed out on a fantastic opportunity. Particularly given his current appearance. I’m not one to talk when it comes to looks, but… damn. I’m sure he has perfectly valid reasons for looking like one of Dr. Moreau’s creatures: I’m sure driving around until school gets out doesn’t burn many calories. But when you look like your face has been grafted onto the body of a walrus, there needs to be a change made. Lucky for you, I’m skinny, deviant, and willing to help:

    • Try walking around, not only would you get fresh air and exercise, you can find kids everywhere. Just don’t use that hokey “have you seen my dog?” line- kids are cruel, they’ll probably just say you ate it.
    • Cut out the semen. I know it’s a small contribution but it everything counts. Just remember not to swallow. If it’s too much trouble, just go younger. Thirteen really isn’t that different from fourteen, anyway. In for a penny, in for a pound is what I always say.
    • If all else fails, just grow that mustache thick and become a bear. It wouldn’t be hard, bears today have more options available than any other point in history. You can always get yourself a hairless twink and not card him. Though you’re not openly homosexual, you’re classified as a gay actor in different places. Just do it, Hollywood would love you again. Now go pick up some Crisco for Bear Week.

    Because I suck at endings, here’s this. Spend the night guessing which one he operated like a hand puppet, and try to think what they meant by that graffiti. Just do it. And don’t forget the Crisco.

     
  6. Let’s make a contest!

    Well now, Cub Scouts, I bet some of you notice I haven’t updated in quite a while. Well, as I was attempting to navigate through the collapsing hell-hole that is my life, I didn’t have time to write your pee-pee jokes. Sorry. If anybody is still annoyed, feel free to apply a liberal coating of kennel lipstick and set yourself on fire. I’m sure you’ll understand me expressing indifference toward’s your mother’s uncontrollable shaking as the coroner replies that the smell is “burnt dog jism”. But onto a lighter note, to commemorate myself being back, let’s have a contest. 

    Below is a man by the name of walrus enthusiast/kid-toucher Joseph Titus Jr. of Denver. On the right is mustache connoisseur/pitchman for diabetes testing supplies, Wilford Brimley.

    Not the best look-alike pairing possible, right? Exactly. There are more Wilford Brimley lookalikes on this database, and I want you to find them. At the end of the week, I want my inbox brimming with Brimley. And whoever can find the best lookalike wins, uh, something. We’ll work it out. 

    PS: Denver’s a crapshoot when it comes to trolling dots.

     
  7. Now, as should be evident by now, the types of characters I feature are convicted sex offenders, the types of people proven guilty by a court of law beyond reasonable doubt, and all that good shit. Recently, on the Cracked Forums, a certain fellow by the name of sickandtired posted a link in the thread about this very blog. This link gave up a list of names with pictures of female school officials charged with sexual misconduct with students. Unfortunately, most of the women on the list still have cases pending, so very few (with the exception of people like Mary Kay Letourneau) are registered and mapped. So let the record show that not all the women featured today are registered sex offenders, and I by no means wish to imply that they are.
    There, that should do it.

    tl;dr: I’m not dealing with a libel suit from a teacher’s aide with a phobia towards pubic hair. Let us begin.

    Today, we start with Lisa Robyn Marinelli, a forty-year old substitute teacher from Tampa, Florida who was arrested in 2008 after a student’s father witnessed his son “putting them [his pants] back in place” after leaving her car, later, 35 text messages were found on his phone. Of the thirty-five, I’ve been able to find three. If anybody has any more, email me or leave a comment.

    • "Ur car looks awesome! Al u need is a hot milf sittin next to u and ud really b in business: -)”
    • "How about a quicky 2morrow afternoon."
    • "You can meet me at home at 3. Real men only need 20 minutes. We will be alone cause there is a field trip."

    It’s ironic that her celebrity counterpart is Paula Abdul, whom, in 2005, was accused of “coaching” American Idol contestant Corey Clark, to help him win the competition in return for sexual favors. Frankly, I find this claim to be quite unbelievable on a few grounds, first, if she wanted sex, do you really think she’d come directly out of the gate bartering for it? Doubtful. So that would mean that she approached him, and he went, “sure thing, but you have to help me win the competition”. To which she would have had to respond, “of course, I would absolutely love to jeopardize the job that made me relevant again and made me absolutely rich with a minimal amount of effort.” The only plausible way I could see this working out, is if he came out and stated that she had a filthy fetish that she needed him for (like a role-playing where he’s her manager, and he slaps her when she queefs off-key), because he’d be equally willing to keep a secret. But I digress.

    We’ll stay down South as we move over to Jackson, Mississippi, where Sheral Smith, was arrested in 2008 on five counts of statutory rape and one count of transfer of a controlled substance after allegedly giving a fourteen year old Xanax along with sexual intercourse (I was going to say “sex with a side of Xanax”, but had I published it, I would’ve needed Zoloft to keep myself away from the window out of shame). If you’re thinking to yourself, “hey, bucko, she doesn’t look anything like Kelly Ripa, their hair colors are completely different!” I say, fuck off. If you were like myself, an agoraphobic weirdo, growing-up you surely played video games. And back when there wasn’t a whole lot of detail put into character design, it was easy for creators to change the character’s color of hair or clothing, and make two characters; Sheral Smith is the Ken to Kelly Ripa’s Ryu.

    The proof is in the perkiness, and what’s telling is the idea that to achieve that smile, Ms. Smith was likely taking Xanax. What would that mean about Ms. Ripa? I’m just saying, behind those eyes, tragedy lies.

    If you were bothered by the fact that I considered Gallagher or Daniel O’Brien a celebrity, then just remember where to direct your hate mail (it’s on the side). 

    Christine McCallum was just an ordinary fifth-grade teacher, until one day, a boy came into her life, who- ROCKED. HER. WORLD. (I’m in charge of marketing for the made-for-TV movie). Allegedly, the teacher from Abington, Massachusetts and the thirteen-year old allegedly had sex over three hundred times in a relationship that allegedly spanned eighteen months, allegedly. In my humble opinion, Ms. McCallum looks like Brooke Hogan, who you may know from Hogan Knows Best as “the one that: doesn’t race cars illegally and put a hole in their best friend’s head, doesn’t take steroids and serve as the enabler for the one that does race cars like a jackass, and didn’t marry/divorce the spandex-clad greaseball or pump out the irresponsible rich kid”. Also, she’s on Brooke Knows Best.

    So there you go, children. I tripled the dosage today, I don’t really know how I should end this, so I present you with this parting thought:

     
  8. image: Download

    Alright, kiddies. After a week off (for no reason other than pure laziness), I’m back in business. That being said, I’m going to look at least 17 times more lazy when I say that I didn’t find this shmoe, rather he was found by Ivette and Tina, both of whom also deserve thanks for the word-of-mouth exposure.
Today, we return to Virginia, to visit Mr. Noah Abbott of Mount Jackson, another charming customer convicted of “indecent liberties of children”. Like our previous friend from Utah, this man is what two celebrities would look like if they had a kid together. Unlike our friend from Utah, however, this would factor in the eventual birth defect from such a weird process. Let’s face it, Mr. Abbott looks like Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters with a touch of the downs. I could’ve made it a three-for-all of celebrities and included Corky from Life Goes On, but that would just be meanspirited, and that’s not what I’m about.
Usually I don’t give titles to my posts, because if I try they’re usually corny, and since nobody seems to understand irony, I don’t bother. But this time it’s different, in fact, I had too many titles to choose from, so I put them here:
Cherry-Busters
Hyman-Busters
That innocent look of childlike wonderment in one’s eyes-Busters
The ability to watch the Discovery Channel without the confusion of shame and sobbing-Busters
VaginaMyths
Get it? This post is just like what happens when I watch Mythbusters, I get fed-up with the shitty jokes halfway through and punch-out. Seriously, the build crew really sucks, except for one member. And I’m sure you all know who I’m talking about.

    Alright, kiddies. After a week off (for no reason other than pure laziness), I’m back in business. That being said, I’m going to look at least 17 times more lazy when I say that I didn’t find this shmoe, rather he was found by Ivette and Tina, both of whom also deserve thanks for the word-of-mouth exposure.

    Today, we return to Virginia, to visit Mr. Noah Abbott of Mount Jackson, another charming customer convicted of “indecent liberties of children”. Like our previous friend from Utah, this man is what two celebrities would look like if they had a kid together. Unlike our friend from Utah, however, this would factor in the eventual birth defect from such a weird process. Let’s face it, Mr. Abbott looks like Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters with a touch of the downs. I could’ve made it a three-for-all of celebrities and included Corky from Life Goes On, but that would just be meanspirited, and that’s not what I’m about.

    Usually I don’t give titles to my posts, because if I try they’re usually corny, and since nobody seems to understand irony, I don’t bother. But this time it’s different, in fact, I had too many titles to choose from, so I put them here:

    • Cherry-Busters
    • Hyman-Busters
    • That innocent look of childlike wonderment in one’s eyes-Busters
    • The ability to watch the Discovery Channel without the confusion of shame and sobbing-Busters
    • VaginaMyths

    Get it? This post is just like what happens when I watch Mythbusters, I get fed-up with the shitty jokes halfway through and punch-out. Seriously, the build crew really sucks, except for one member. And I’m sure you all know who I’m talking about.

     
  9. image: Download

    Before I begin, I’d like to thank Gorillamask and wanderabeiter over at Cracked for spreading the word about the site in one of those widespread, public manners. Now, in terms of today’s post, I’d like to thank HoboMike from Portland, OR for supplying me with this lovely gentleman so that I can be able to do my own shit. Of course, the person I’m talking about is Kevin Glenn Fields, also of Portland. If you don’t recognize his celebrity lookalike, either because you’re not a fan of basketball, or just plain racist, you’re looking at Magic Johnson on the right. Now, people familiar with Mr. Johnson are aware that in the early 90s (November ‘91 to be precise), he contracted HIV, claiming that he “didn’t know how [he] got it”, and few would know, because, if what he claimed was true, that he was not homosexual or bisexual, he was one of the few people to contract it via heterosexual intercourse (yes, I just said intercourse, no, I’m not your 7th grade biology teacher). As most know, HIV and AIDS are most commonly transmitted via blood. 
In 1993, Mr. Fields was convicted of rape, which, is traumatic and often leads to blood. Some of you out there are thinking, “woah, that was way AFTER Magic contracted HIV, you can’t even be thinking… that doesn’t even make sense”. Yes, yes it does, my children. Remember the Kobe Bryant case? They prepared that one for a year before it got dismissed. However, just to bring us back, I’m not saying Magic Johnson raped anybody, just providing some possible answers to some questions that have yet to be answered, because, honestly, what basketball star is reluctant to say that he’s had multiple sexual partners while playing? Unless they were about to brag, and then Wilt Chamberlain came out with his 20,000 number, and they were like “damn.” 
I guess I should also mention my one vocal detractor, before I end this Titanic of a shipwreck post. D. Pict, when you step back far enough from anything, certain things look more alike than others. I’m sure if you stepped back far enough, all carbon-based life would resemble one-another. Or your mouth, though I’m sure it looks like a cunt, it wouldn’t be used as such, because they serve different functions. Unless, of course, you’d prefer it to be used as one, in which case, I hope Magic empties his wand down your throat. With all this talk of AIDS and rape, I feel like I’m writing an extended piece for 4chan. I should probably kill myself.

    Before I begin, I’d like to thank Gorillamask and wanderabeiter over at Cracked for spreading the word about the site in one of those widespread, public manners. Now, in terms of today’s post, I’d like to thank HoboMike from Portland, OR for supplying me with this lovely gentleman so that I can be able to do my own shit. Of course, the person I’m talking about is Kevin Glenn Fields, also of Portland. If you don’t recognize his celebrity lookalike, either because you’re not a fan of basketball, or just plain racist, you’re looking at Magic Johnson on the right. Now, people familiar with Mr. Johnson are aware that in the early 90s (November ‘91 to be precise), he contracted HIV, claiming that he “didn’t know how [he] got it”, and few would know, because, if what he claimed was true, that he was not homosexual or bisexual, he was one of the few people to contract it via heterosexual intercourse (yes, I just said intercourse, no, I’m not your 7th grade biology teacher). As most know, HIV and AIDS are most commonly transmitted via blood. 

    In 1993, Mr. Fields was convicted of rape, which, is traumatic and often leads to blood. Some of you out there are thinking, “woah, that was way AFTER Magic contracted HIV, you can’t even be thinking… that doesn’t even make sense”. Yes, yes it does, my children. Remember the Kobe Bryant case? They prepared that one for a year before it got dismissed. However, just to bring us back, I’m not saying Magic Johnson raped anybody, just providing some possible answers to some questions that have yet to be answered, because, honestly, what basketball star is reluctant to say that he’s had multiple sexual partners while playing? Unless they were about to brag, and then Wilt Chamberlain came out with his 20,000 number, and they were like “damn.” 

    I guess I should also mention my one vocal detractor, before I end this Titanic of a shipwreck post. D. Pict, when you step back far enough from anything, certain things look more alike than others. I’m sure if you stepped back far enough, all carbon-based life would resemble one-another. Or your mouth, though I’m sure it looks like a cunt, it wouldn’t be used as such, because they serve different functions. Unless, of course, you’d prefer it to be used as one, in which case, I hope Magic empties his wand down your throat. With all this talk of AIDS and rape, I feel like I’m writing an extended piece for 4chan. I should probably kill myself.

     
  10. image: Download

    Alright, silly geese, time to sit back and relax, because I’m making a conscious effort to continue what I started, thanks to the help of a reader who actually gives back. Bunch of freeloading asses. Anywho, a reader we’ll just call Emily submitted this fine fellow by the name of Walter Jaworski Jr. of Massillon, Ohio. It’s pretty obvious that Mr. Jaworski is a dead-ringer for Jason Alexander. No, not that guy Britney Spears married for an hour way back when, I’m talking about Jason ”George Costanza” Alexander. You remember, back when NBC was a powerhouse that didn’t need to drag out that whole Pam-Jim thing on the Office for eight seasons past the point where it became unbearable and angering to keep ratings up, right? What- you don’t? Well, flip on TBS or your local Fox affiliate. Seinfeld in syndication is like the British Empire, the sun never sets on it, and it’s made Seinfeld rich to the point where he doesn’t need to work anymore. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for the rest of the cast, including Jason Alexander, who’s one failed sitcom away from being Walter Jaworski, getting busted for selling kiddie porn. Who knows, though, if he times it just right, it could do wonders for his career. I mean, after Kramer went on his rant, people wanted to watch that episode where the monkey threw the banana at him, and he overreacted, and caused emotional damage and embarrassment which he later had to apologize for. Except if it were with George, everybody would want to rewatch the episode where he gets caught staring at the cleavage of the underage daughter of the head of NBC. Just a thought, Jason. Just a thought.

    Alright, silly geese, time to sit back and relax, because I’m making a conscious effort to continue what I started, thanks to the help of a reader who actually gives back. Bunch of freeloading asses. Anywho, a reader we’ll just call Emily submitted this fine fellow by the name of Walter Jaworski Jr. of Massillon, Ohio. It’s pretty obvious that Mr. Jaworski is a dead-ringer for Jason Alexander. No, not that guy Britney Spears married for an hour way back when, I’m talking about Jason ”George Costanza” Alexander. You remember, back when NBC was a powerhouse that didn’t need to drag out that whole Pam-Jim thing on the Office for eight seasons past the point where it became unbearable and angering to keep ratings up, right? What- you don’t? Well, flip on TBS or your local Fox affiliate. Seinfeld in syndication is like the British Empire, the sun never sets on it, and it’s made Seinfeld rich to the point where he doesn’t need to work anymore. Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for the rest of the cast, including Jason Alexander, who’s one failed sitcom away from being Walter Jaworski, getting busted for selling kiddie porn. Who knows, though, if he times it just right, it could do wonders for his career. I mean, after Kramer went on his rant, people wanted to watch that episode where the monkey threw the banana at him, and he overreacted, and caused emotional damage and embarrassment which he later had to apologize for. Except if it were with George, everybody would want to rewatch the episode where he gets caught staring at the cleavage of the underage daughter of the head of NBC. Just a thought, Jason. Just a thought.